This is the first post of my first blog, i am counting this as first blog anyway despite i created one with similar title the other day at blogspot.com. it’s just too much enertia to get to a computer to start a post. So i thought of blogging through mobile. Then wordpress offered the perfect solution. In fact, it looks pretty good for now.
I am so good at getting off topics. As u can see now. However, my purpose of writing this blog is not to pour out my sad story and let myself soaked in self pity. Coz i know that some people get more emotional as they spell out their feelings. Well it can be a good way to nurse ur broken heart, to be in touch with real feelings and unload them as u write, as u embark on the journey of recovery.
For this blog though, i would like to write about new life, after infertility and miscarriages. I will of course share my past as i go along in order to show the changes in the new life now, if any, hahaha. This is not a pure fertility or ttc blog! I hope not! Reason is i m starting a new life, trying to focus on living at the present moment, with content for every day. Not going through the motions of life until i reach the “end point”, of getting a baby. I have wasted last 3 years plus doing that, and i am done waiting aimlessly. Having a child is not ur endpoint, life continues. There will be more and more endpoints u set for yourself and probably ur children, if this is how u live ur life. If u think of doing, trying, starting something, do it now if u have the means to. If u wait until u are pregnant, u will wait till ur baby’s one, then u will wait till ur baby starts school, then finish school… U will be waiting ur whole life. As it is, waiting to get pregnant is long enough in itself for those of us facing challenges in this area. So no more waiting in vain. Wait with dignity and sense of purpose. Wait with faith and hope in God. A friend of mine who also experienced infertility shared recently that our lives cannot evolve around children. We don’t want to think of the possibility or even consider it, but truth is, we can lost our children anytime. Of course, we do our best as parents, we pray for blessings and protection, we trust God to look after our children. She shared a 90 years old lady that her husband worked with in the hospital, had recently lost her 70 years old baby due to medical condition. The elderly wept and wept and wept, was inconsolable. U would think spending 70 years together is considered long enough but that’s her baby and will always be the little baby in her heart.
So in the season of living on earth and waiting for my breakthroughs, i want to have meaningful things going on in my life. Simple things. I don’t have to go out now and change the world. That sounds pretty stressful to me at the moment. But it’s okay. I need to be patient with myself, be kinder to self, so i learn to be patient and kind to my husband J and my future babies. U cannot be determined to want to be patient in one day, it takes practice. And it starts now. See, u are doing something meaningful already. Practise being patient. Little things like this are so important for busy, driven, anxious personlike me. Just this morning, i learnt to make microwave scramble egg for J (yes, u can make it easily under few minutes, without washing frying pan and spatula). I called this an achievement.
Even though today my first entry at this site is not bombastic, mind blowing etc, i consider it a start. One step at a time. One step closer to living better at the present.
coneycocobun 